I had no idea my old blog, the Meghablog, was still operational. I just stumbled on it and found that my interest in the relative funniness of foods predates the Muffin Incident by YEARS. This entry is from 2010.

I observe that split pea is arguably the most intrinsically hilarious of soups.

To wit: in a recent episode of How I Met Your Mother, Marshall is frustrated at his wife’s refusal to believe that a woman at work is coming onto him. The wife changes the subject, getting up to go to the kitchen and offering Marshall some soup. He responds, in exactly the same exasperated, desperate tone he’s been using: “Do you have ANY–” (comic pause, wait for it) “SPLIT PEA left?!”

I’m sure it’s on YouTube somewhere. I just can’t find it. You do it.

I assert that this line, which I found hilarious even though I had seen it on the commercial five times already, would be made less funny by a large margin if a different soup were substituted. “Do you have ANY…MINESTRONE left?!” Too mellifluous, and too long to maintain comic tension, as is pasta e fagioli. In fact, I think all Italian soups are out: they are romantic and possibly tragic, but not comic.

Largely, I think the comedy hinges on the splosive consonance of the P. It spits a little. It stops the breath, it simply invites exasperation, literally, as the breath is finally released. The spittling of “split,” the drawn-out whine of “peeeeeeea“… yes.

To further strengthen my claim, I offer as evidence a [poorly, I’m sure] remembered bit from James Howe’s Howliday Inn. Two dogs are discussing ways of coping with women (look, just go with me here, okay?). The subject of murder arises. “Murder in its infinite variety. Drowning, strangling, stabbing… split pea…” Evidently someone murdered his wife by putting poison in her soup. Do dogs eat soup? Oh, never mind, never mind.

The humor is, of course, supposed to arise from the incongruity of soup in this list, but it is certainly aided by the intrinsic hilarity of split pea itself. I mean… it’s green, for one thing. And gluey. And universally despised, even by people who like it. Nobody admits in fine company to liking split pea soup. It’s lowbrow. It looks like snot. Admit it.

Split pea is funny. Consomme is not. That is a fact.